Summer Shrimp and Tasty Wine Make Summer Fabulous!!!!!

I haven't decided what I like better...wine or shrimp this Summer.  Bloody Marys are also closing in for the final lineup.  I think right now it's a very close tie between shrimp and white wine.  I've been loving (probably way too often) the Angel Food wine from Cupcake Vineyards.  Naked Grape Pinot Grigio is a close second to this.  I figured with everything I went through this year, I'm entitled to a bit of wine, or in my case an entire case of wine.

I'm trying tons of new recipes this summer and one of my favorites is Roasted Shrimp.  I can use this simple roasted shrimp in tons of recipes.  I roast a big tray of shrimp and divide it into freezer bags so I can use it over time.  The roasted shrimp recipe comes from Ina Garten and its totally delish!

I buy 2-3 lbs. of shrimp when they are on sale.  I peel and clean them and roast them all-all you need is SHRIMP (I used jumbo, but you can use whatever size you have), salt, pepper, and olive oil.

1 of 2 trays before roasting

Preheat the oven to 400.  Toss the peeled and cleaned shrimp with 2 TBSP olive oil, 1 TBSP sea salt, and a few grinds of fresh pepper.  Spread the shrimp out on 1-2 cookie sheets so the shrimp do not touch.  Roast the shrimp in oven for 10-15 minutes.

juicy, yummy roasted shrimp

The roasted shrimp take on a whole new shrimpier flavor.  They are sweeter than pan fried or sauteed shrimp and you now have a great main ingredient for a whole host of shrimp dishes!

Here's the first of 3:

Shrimp Feta "Pizza"

I use 2-3 whole wheat pitas.  These serve as your pizza crust.  A few roasted shrimp (I use about 5 jumbo per pita), a nice chunk of feta and olive oil.  Arrange pitas on a cookie sheet  lightly sprayed with non stick spray.  On each pita, crumble feta cheese onto it (I don't' buy pre-crumbled, it dries out to quickly. Buy the chunk and crumble when you are ready to use it).  Arrange shrimp on top of the feta and finish with a drizzle of olive oil and a few grinds of fresh pepper.  You don't need salt-you would have already salted the shrimp when roasting it and the feta is salty enough.  Bake pitas in a 350 degree oven (only long enough to crisp the pita slightly and soften the feta.  the shrimp is already roasted).  Cut into quarters to serve.  These are a delicious appetizer or meal with a big greek salad-YUMMY!!!!

 #2 Roasted Shrimp with Lemon Angel Hair 

You need:

1/4 cup olive oil

1 clove garlic minced

2 lemons-zest 1 lemon and juice of both

small handful chopped fresh flat leaf parsley

salt, pepper

1 package angel hair or linguini fini-cooked to al dente

1lb roasted shrimp

This is like a more basic version of a shrimp scampi-Saute garlic in 1/4 cup olive oil.  Add juice of both lemons and the zest.  Simmer for 5 minutes.  Add parsley, reserving some to use right before serving.

Add shrimp to heat through. (*If you are using raw shrimp, add now and saute until cooked through.)  Add salt & fresh pepper to taste. Add drained pasta to hot pan and stir through, allowing the pasta to cook for another minute in the lemon sauce.  Finish with fresh parsley.  I serve it with sauteed spinach with garlic.  So fast and easy!

Shrimp with Angel Hair served with Sauteed Spinach

 #3 Rotini with Lemon Shrimp and Arugula

This is a version of a Giada recipe except I skip the oranges and just use lemon as my citrus ingredient.  I also use greek olives instead of the green.  This is a warm pasta salad.  The arugula is not cooked, but softens slightly when mixed with the hot pasta.  I could eat this every day!  I absolutely love the peppery bite of the arugula with the sweetness of the roasted shrimp.  

You need:

1 lb rotini or fusilli cooked to al dente

2 TBSP olive oil

1 shallot, sliced

2 cloves garlic, sliced

1 lb roasted shrimp

healthy splash of white wine

Dressing for Pasta:

zest of 1 lemon

2 lemons juiced

1/3 cup olive oil

1 tsp white balsamic vinegar (if you don't have white balsamic use white wine vinegar)

salt & fresh ground pepper

1/4 cup greek olives, halved

4 handfuls fresh arugula

Heat olive oil in pan, add shallots and garlic and saute until softened.  Add wine and shrimp to heat through. *If you are using raw shrimp, saute it in the pan until cooked through.
Prepare dressing.  In a medium bowl, whisk olive oil, vinegar, zest and lemon juice until thickened slightly and dressing comes together.  Add salt & pepper to taste and whisk to combine.
In a large serving bowl, mix the hot cooked pasta with the arugula.  Pour shrimp mixture over pasta and stir gently.  Top with olives and enjoy!  Very good with fresh italian bread to soak up the lemony juices.

Tasty lemony dressing

Delicious pasta with shrimp, lemon and arugula

 I hope you enjoy these delicious and super easy shrimp dishes.  Remember-you don't have to cook the already roasted shrimp for very long in the recipes.  If you use the roasted shrimp, it is cooked already and you are simply just heating it through.  

Making the Most of Summer

It has been such a busy, but fun Summer! It is hard to believe that in less than 2 weeks Stina will be in KINDERGARTEN! This will be our first foray into full day school and I am way more nervous than she is.  The minis have been very busy this Summer-we traveled to Georgia to visit with my sister & brother in law and my dad, Big Daddy.  My sister is very pregnant with her first child and my new nephew!!!  I can't wait until October when he makes his appearance.  Between girly makeovers and pool days it was a fun trip.  Stina is more aware of my sister's pregnancy than she was when I was pregnant with Matthew.  It's amazing to see her talking to Aunt Beady's belly and telling her cousin all about what is going on on the outside.  Matthew just keeps asking when "Onion" will be here.  Poor Owen already has a strange nickname and he isn't even here yet!

Stina saying hello to her cousin!

Matthew saying Hi to Onion

We've made a few trips to Sesame Place and even got into the city to see Doc McStuffins-yikes...that was a nightmare!  Stina even had her first lemonade stand while at my parents' house in Georgia.  As she explained to us, it has been a dream to have one her whole life!  She did a great job and totally loved it.

Lemonade Stand Day 1

Day 2 of the lemonade stand

 The kids have been keeping me busy and keeping my mind off medical stuff.  The reality of it is that "medical stuff" is still a big part of my life and will be for a while.  I am feeling better everyday.  Still a vegetarian, I feel much healthier and have a ton more energy than I did even a month ago.  I have gone for a few port flushes and those aren't bad-hoping the port will be removed sooner rather than later.  I will be having my next Pet Scan next week.  The oncologist seems very positive and feels strongly it will come back clear-that is what we are praying for.  If it comes back clear, I will officially be in remission.  No one wants to say that word though until they see the scan results-understandably too.  Unfortunately, it seems as if the one thing the doctors hoped I could avoid has begun-MENOPAUSE! Seriously!?!?!  As if all the other stuff cancer threw at me wasn't bad enough, now I've got hot flashes and they are hot...and way too frequent!  Murph has been a good sport though-the air conditioning is creating a sub arctic temperature in our home.  He is sleeping wrapped up tight in a comforter while I sweat it out in a 60 degree room.  I figure with everything else that happened this past year, I can handle menopause.  It isn't fun, but it won't kill me.

One of my favorite things this summer has been getting back into the kitchen.  Going back to being a vegetarian has been super simple too.  I had been a vegetarian for many years and eventually went back to eating chicken and some red meat here and there.  But after my treatments, and my Mom telling me all the details of the Peaceable Kingdom movie, I have no interest in meat.  I am eating fish still and am not a vegan (even though I really do hate eggs)  but going back to being a vegetarian has opened up a whole new world of cooking for me.  I still cook meat for Murph and Matthew.  Stina has never eaten red meat and eats a little chicken-she is a veggie lover all the way.  This is totally her choice and her pediatrician is all for her being meat free.  I have loved researching and trying new recipes to fit my new diet.
I promise to still have lots of recipes here on my blog-including meat recipes.  I am not forcing my choice on anyone else and I promise not to get preachy on you.  Not eating meat has been the right choice for me, but it isn't the right choice for everyone though-so you can still get some meaty & meat free ideas here!

    

Summertime And Brighter Days Ahead...

First of all, I need to say I am still here and feeling better than I have in a very long time.  Secondly, I need to apologize.  When I first wrote about my cancer diagnosis I promised to write about my treatments and give updates.  I jumped into cancer like I do most other things, whole heartily and relying on research.  I researched cancer daily- treatments, side effects, natural remedies to manage side effects-both emotional and physical ones.  Again, I was not prepared at all for what was to come.  I would have loved to write everyday about how I was feeling and give the promised updates, but I physically could not even do it.  I had been told that the side effects of my chemo wouldn't be so bad-after all I was only having 6-7 weeks of chemo, not a full on assault on my body like systemic chemo.  The radiation would make me tired, but I could probably manage it.  People, including me, underestimated the power of my nausea!  I figured if I could deliver a 9 lb 12 oz baby boy completely free of any epidurals or anesthesia, this would be a walk in the park.  It was a walk in a scary park filled with obstacles and dangerous pitfalls.  I was sick from the first week chemo began.  I slept for hours at a time.  I wasn't able to take Stina to school-I could barely wake up for my treatments at certain points.  If I wasn't sleeping I was vomiting or just miserable.  Thank God for Emend-a new anti nausea drug that kept me at least from gagging every 2 seconds, even if I couldn't eat.  My positive, facing cancer head on attitude quickly faded with my first full on day of chemo.  But I soon realized I wasn't alone.

I came through it-I'm not quite sure how.  I came out the other side, bruised, 22 pounds thinner (happy about that one), with most of my sanity in tact.  I was never alone though-I didn't come through it by myself.  I was lucky enough to have wonderful friends and family who saw to it that my children were never forgotten or left out, my husband was always fed and that I got as much recovery time as I needed.  The support and generosity from my Our Lady of Hope classmates overwhelmed me-the Class of 1990 are amazing.  The generosity of my Mary Louis Academy sisters in the Class of 1994 brought me such joy.  To know I had the love and prayers of so many amazing people gave me the strength I needed to keep pushing through.

I was also blessed with the most wonderful and caring radiation therapists, doctors and nurses.  My chemo nurses understood that my port was always sore, my bladder always full and my stomach always queasy.  My radiation therapists, who I saw daily, always made me feel comfortable and tried to make my appointments feel more like a visit with friends than a daily treatment.  My doctors were always caring and honest with me.

I am not officially cancer free-the doctors won't use the words in remission until my next Pet scan.  This will be in late August.  I feel great though! I went back to being a vegetarian (mostly-I still eat some fish).  The week after I finished treatments I got back in the kitchen and back into my routines.  I wanted my life back and I jumped into it with joy and a new found energy.  My return to cooking began with homemade ricotta cheese.  I'll blogging about that later this week.  Stina "graduated" from Pre-K in June and I was happier than anyone to be there to share in her joy!  My beautiful minis got through it too-they were more understanding than I could have ever imagined.  They accepted the whole thing with such patience and a surprising lack of grumbling.  My kids were shuffled from house to house, relative to relative, friend to friend.  They were out of routine, out of sorts and out of a mommy for a while, but they got through it along with Murph and me.

Life goes on, sometimes bumpy and apparently now with hot flashes (thank you damaged ovaries for the menopause that has probably now begun) but it goes on.  Hopefully it is going on free of cancer! There is so much to look forward to this summer-warmer days, sunnier mornings and better health.

    

Sesame Noodles and Busy Days

I am going to try to move forward with normal blogs again.  Blogs that don't evoke sadness or focus solely on cancer.  I will still give updates, but in my desperate need to get back to normal, I may as well begin with my blog.  If one thing makes me feel normal, it would be cooking and feeding my family.  So here's the quick health status update first.  I am feeling 100% better.  I have seen more doctors in the past two weeks than ever before, but I know these are the people who will help me get better, so I'll see them whenever they want me to.  I had a port put into my upper chest yesterday.  This should make the IV chemo a little easier.  I apparently have really crappy veins in my arms and that would make chemo difficult.  I have been tattooed on my hips and belly for radiation-they are basically a new addition to my already vast freckle collection.  I will be starting radiation on March 4th and chemo should begin the same week.  I know it is crazy to be excited about something that will not be much fun, but I keep telling myself that the sooner I start, the sooner I am finished!

On to the food!!!!  I love Asian flavors-ginger, sweet chili, sesame...they are all wonderful to me!  I try to always keep my pantry stocked with basics for a few Asian inspired dishes I love.  I always have toasted sesame oil, black sesame seeds, plain sesame seeds, sweet chili sauce, tamari, fresh ginger (in fridge), fish sauce and sriracha on hand.  I love the smells of all these ingredients and adore the tastes.  I don't make many Asian dishes, but I do like to try new ones.  Sesame Noodles are a dish that I love and while the version I make is probably not "traditionally" correct, it is inspired by both the Asian ingredients I love and my fave chef, Nigella Lawson.  Nigella's recipe for Sesame Noodles is from the Nigella Express cookbook. I use her basic recipe, but added & subtracted a few things to fit our family.  This recipe is really forgiving-as you will see.  I use whatever fresh veggies I have on hand that would fit the flavors, or as it happened tonight, I had no veggies that would work in it.  I didn't think the minis would appreciate brussels sprouts in their "Chinese Spaghetti" as they call it.  I also don't really use exact measurements for this-I just go by what looks and tastes right as I go along.  For blog purposes I will put amounts, but these are approximate.  Go with what tastes good to you.

The gangs all here, except for the spaghetti.  I forgot it and let's face it, if you don't know what spaghetti looks like, you may not even want to try this anyway!

You will need peanut butter (creamy or chunky-whatever your preference), tamari or soy sauce, toasted sesame oil, sweet red chili sauce, sesame seeds (black or regular or both), garlic, ginger, lemon, broth (chicken or vegetable) and spaghetti.  I used creamy peanut butter, but have done this with chunky and it is good too.  The little chunks of peanuts adds a nice texture contrast.  Don't be afraid of the red chili sauce-it isn't spicy.  It has a very light flavor and is slightly sweet.  It adds pretty red flecks but not the heat you would assume from a chili sauce.  This dish is also vegetarian, unless you are using the chicken broth.  

Boil the spaghetti following the directions on the box.  Rinse with cold water and set aside.  You can also use angel hair-it works just as well.  In a large bowl, put 1/4-1/3 cup of peanut butter.  Add 3 tablespoons tamari, 2 tablespoons sesame oil, and 2 tablespoons chili sauce.  Squeeze half a lemon into the bowl.  Peel a 1 inch piece of fresh ginger and grate into the bowl.  I use a micro plane for fine shavings but a flat grater will work too.  Grate 1 clove of garlic into the bowl.  Add 1 handful of sesame seeds and 1 tablespoon olive oil.  Begin to whisk the ingredients together.  At this point I add 2 or 3 splashes of broth.  The peanut butter can make for a thick sauce and this thins out the sauce making it better for coating all the noodles.  If the minis or Murph are not having this, I also add some sriracha for a kick.

Once the sauce is the consistency you prefer, pour over the cooked spaghetti.  At this point, you can add the veggies you like.  I would usually use snow pea pods and scallions.  Unfortunately I didn't have any and did not want to go shopping in the rain today, so I had to do without them.  They were just as yummy, but I probably would have liked them with some greenery!

Once you have thoroughly coated the noodles with your peanut sauce, you can sprinkle on some extra sesame seeds for flavor and refrigerate until ready to eat.  I like to take the noodles out of the fridge about 15 minutes before we are ready to eat them.  They should be cold, but not ice cold.

Yummy sesame noodles with little flecks of red from the chili sauce.

I hope you enjoy this!  We love it and it has become a staple in our dinner menu rotation.  It is even more delicious the next day when the noodles have had even more time to absorb the peanut sauce.  If you have leftovers and you find the noodles to be too dry the next day, I add a splash of sesame oil and some chili sauce and they spring back to life.  This dish will be eaten a lot in the next few months in our house-it's easy, fast and will help out our dinners when energy and time are at a minimum during treatments.

Next blog will be Beef Stroganoff.  An oldie but a goody!

Cold Sesame Noodles

1 lb spaghetti or angel hair, cooked according to directions on box

1/4 - 1/3 cup peanut butter

3 TBSP tamari

2 TBSP toasted sesame oil

2 TBSP sweets chili sauce

juice of 1/2 lemon

1 inch piece fresh ginger root, peeled and grated

1 clove garlic, grated

2-3 TBSP of sesame seeds (black or toasted regular seeds)

1 TBSP olive oil

2-3 splashes of broth (or more as needed)

sriracha, if you like a spicy kick

Optional veggies: Sliced red peppers, sliced scallions, sliced snow pea pods, thin green beans (blanched but not soft)

Boil pasta as directed on box, rinse with cold water, drain and set aside.  Combine all the ingredients in a large bowl and whisk together until well combined.  Add more broth if a thinner consistency is desired.  Pour sauce over cool pasta and add veggies.  Stir to coat noodles and mix in veggies.  Chill in refrigerator until ready to eat.  Stir again before serving and sprinkle extra sesame seeds on top for crunch.

Enjoy!

Little by Little

Little by little.  Each day it gets a bit better.  Slowly but surely.  Give it time.  These are the things that I replay in my head everyday.  These are the things people have been saying to me for the last two weeks.  While I know these things are all valid and very true, at the moment they are being said or thought, it is very hard to believe.  The truth is, each day has been a bit easier.  On January 15th, I went to the hospital for my cancer surgery.  I was prepared-I packed extra pajamas, my travel case had my makeup, lotions, face creams, toothbrush, toothpaste and other essentials that I need daily.  I packed magazines, phone chargers and extra clothes for my trip home.  I was prepared-I knew the post op would be uncomfortable, maybe even a little painful.  I was prepared-I was going to wake up and feel positive about the future.  I was prepared-prepared to eat a huge meal right after the anesthesia wore off.  I hadn't eaten for 36 hours between the surgical prep drink (ugh-there are no words!!!) and the OR delays.

I thought I was prepared.  I woke up to a swollen face, a morphine drip to control the intense pain.  I woke up to find out I couldn't eat or drink for hours more.  I woke up to find out the 2 lymph nodes had been removed and the radical hysterectomy had been done as well.  I woke up to find out that one of the lymph nodes had been positive and that I would still need to have radiation.  I woke up to find out I had a catheter and would have a catheter for at least a week even after I would be discharged and sent home.

On January 16th, a doctor came in to check on me.  I woke up to terrible nausea, vomiting, pain, and barely the ability to walk.  I couldn't wash myself, let alone put on makeup or change into the pajamas I had packed as an alternative to a hospital gown.  The plan was to discharge me later that afternoon if I felt okay and had stopped vomiting.  I ended up not being discharged until Friday January 18th.  The days I spent in the hospital are a blur of visits by my oncologist, nurses, doctors I have never met before, and attendants.  The best visits were from Murph, who got there in the early afternoon and stayed until 8 pm when visiting hours ended and my Mom who came faithfully everyday after work and stayed until Murph left with her.  I spent most of those visits in a state of half consciousness or throwing up.

Home was not much different.  Without the constant visits from doctors and nurses, I was at least sleeping for more than 1 hour at a time.  Stina came home and was my nurse.  She tucked me in, brought me drinks, and just wanted to snuggle.  Matthew came home and tried to jump on me, but soon realized playing on the floor in front of me was much easier.  Just seeing him and hearing his voice made me feel better.  Murph made sure I took my pain meds, called the doctor for weird pains and bruising, made sure I didn't collapse in the shower, and took care of the minis.  I sat on the couch while life continued around me.  Amazingly enough, my most faithful nurse was a little black furry one.  Travis never left my side-whether I was in bed or on the couch.  That cat just sat there, watching me or sleeping against me.  He'd nudge my face or hand every so often, but mostly just curled up next to me.  Whether or not he knew, Travis was giving me what I needed most, a quiet comfort.

Travis-my furry nurse.  (his brother Francis seemed more afraid of me)

 

I cried in bed for a while each day.  I hated being in pain, I hated that I still had to go to radiation and even worse, now I also had to go to chemo.  I felt useless, hopeless, sad and pathetic.  Murph and my Mom talked me through my crying jags.  My sister and my Dad called and talked me through my low points.  I told Murph I would not do the treatments, that the surgery was enough.  He told me that I would change my mind and that skipping treatment was not even in my list of options.  Murph has been my rock.  He has put up with my horrendous mood swings and crying.  I feel bad because while everyone asks how I'm doing, most people don't remember to ask how he's doing and that includes me.  Even though he doesn't physically have cancer, he has the same cancer I have.  He has stayed strong through it all.  (I'd post his pic here too like the cat nurse, but he isn't the kind of guy that likes his pic all over the blog)

And suddenly, I woke up the other day and it wasn't as painful.  I had my catheter removed and it was even better.  I was sore, but not in intense pain.  I could walk a little easier.  I could help Stina pick out her clothes, even though it took me alot longer to get to her room.  I showered without feeling dizzy and I actually ate dinner-I was hungry for the first time in nearly two weeks.  I still cry everyday. but it is shorter and not as intense.  Now its because I'm a little scared of the chemo and the radiation and their side effects.  I'm still scared of what is going to come.

The truth is, I wasn't prepared.  As prepared as I told myself I was, I really had no idea what to expect.  Who knew my sensitivity to medication would be so intense.  Who knew I would not want to even brush my teeth or put on makeup or even get dressed.  Mostly though, I was unprepared for how much I would need to lean on Murph, my Mom, my sister, my Dad, my friends and my in laws.  The best part of my being unprepared was that they were all prepared.  They were all prepared to hug me, wash me, talk me off the ledge, and take care of my minis.  I'm not alone in this fight and thinking I was proved to be my biggest mistake before.  I was going to fight cancer.  I was going to be fine.  I know now...WE will fight my cancer and WE will all be fine!

A New Year and a Newer Me

Happy New Year!  It is amazing to me how fast the holidays flew by.  Every year I feel like they are creeping up with tons of time to prepare and before I can blink it is December 24th and I am wrapping last minute gifts and baking hundreds of cookies.  This year was a little different-because of the health issues (a nice way of saying the "insert 4 letter word" cancer) I've been dealing with, the normal Christmas baking was a little modified.  I didn't bake my usual 200 plus cookies and marshmallows for gifts.  I wanted to focus more this season on doing things with Murph and the kids that we say we are going to do every year, but somehow run out of time for.  We made a point to take the minis to see the lights around town with friends of ours, hosted a small, but fun Christmas party and took more time to be together.  I helped coordinate Stina's school Christmas party along with a great team of moms. 

New Year's Eve usually comes with a list of resolutions that I will never fulfill.  This year I just made two.  First is to get healthy-to fight cancer and make sure I win and make it so unpleasant for the cancer it will never want to come back!  My second resolution is to enjoy my family-no matter what.  I want to make sure I soak up every possible moment with my minis that I can.  I'm not planning on going anywhere but if this cancer has done anything it has made me realize that every moment with my family is precious.

In the spirit of spending time with my minis, this post is about cooking with my favorite little chef-Stina!  There is no actual cooking in this one, just some cutting and mixing and shaking.  This recipe is from Ree Drummond, The Pioneer Woman (another blog I LOVE LOVE LOVE).  Stina had been watching an episode of The Pioneer Woman with me way back in what I think may have been January?!?!?  She saw Ree make Ranch dressing and decided she wanted to do it and we've been making this together ever since.  Stina is a big fan of raw carrots and celery and amazingly enough, salad!  This dressing seemed like the perfect way for her to get more involved in creating the foods she eats.  It is super easy and if you use a large canning jar, it is the easiest clean up ever.

I use Ree's recipe, but modified it just a bit.

You will need a large canning jar (or bowl if you don't have the jar), mayonnaise, sour cream, garlic, kosher salt, pepper, flat leaf parsley, dill, buttermilk, Worcestershire sauce, Tabasco, and cider vinegar.

All the yummy things

Pour 1 cup mayonnaise and 1/2 cup sour cream into a large jar.  Chop parsley and dill into tiny bits and add to the jar.  Using a garlic press, smoosh a garlic clove onto your cutting board and mash with 1/4 tsp kosher salt using a fork.  Add this garlicky salty paste to the jar.  Add 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce and 1 tablespoon of cider vinegar.  Grind a little or alot of black pepper, depending on your preference.  And if you are reading this Missy, leave out the black pepper-I will never know :-).  I add about 2 dashes of Tabasco to the jar.  If it was just for me, I'd be adding ALOT more Tabasco, but being that the minis will be eating this, go small first.

 This is the part where you can make this a dressing or a dip/dressing.  It all depends on how much buttermilk you add.  I start out with a little under 1/4 cup of buttermilk if I am using this more as a dip.  If you want a thinner consistency or more of a dressing you can add a bit more to fit your own tastes.

 Put the cap on and shake it shake it shake it!  This is usually Stina's favorite part-this time she hit herself in the head with the jar during a particularly excitable shake!  After a quick recovery, Stina enjoyed her hard work with some carrots and celery at snack time.  She even gave it a thumbs up-quite an achievement considering she would be happy to exist on a diet of mac and cheese, ketchup, apples and chicken nuggets with the occasional yogurt thrown in.

Shake it shake it shake it!

Just don't hit yourself with the jar while shaking!

Stina asked me if we could cook together more from now on and I think my heart fluttered a little.  Nothing makes me happier than seeing my mini find happiness in something I love to do.  And not to worry, Matthew doesn't get left out.  While he is still a bit too small and wild to help out in the kitchen, he has the appetite of Brian Urlacher which makes me one happy Mommy!  I love seeing my future Bulldog linebacker and Chicago Bear enjoy what his sister and I have made.  Its only a matter of time before he gets an apron with his name on it too!

A thumbs up from Stina means success!

She didn't want to wait until after I had taken the picture!

Ranch Dressing Recipe (Ree Drummond's with some change ups)

1 cup mayonnaise
1/2 cup sour cream
handful flat leaf parsley, chopped
3 TBSP chopped fresh dill
1 garlic clove smooshed and smashed
1/4 tsp kosher salt
1 TBSP Worcestershire sauce
1 TBSP cider vinegar
3-4 grinds of black pepper
Tabasco, to taste
1/4 cup buttermilk (or more if you prefer)

In a large jar, add mayonnaise, sour cream, parsley and dill.  On your cutting board, mash the garlic clove with the kosher salt to form a paste.  Add to the jar.  Add black pepper.   Add Worcestershire, vinegar and Tabasco.  Slowly pour in buttermilk.  Cover jar and shake vigorously.  Add more buttermilk if you would like a thinner consistency. 

When Life Hands You Lemons, Screw the Lemonade and Reach for Wine

The title of this blog are words to live by...at least for me.  The more sour the lemons, the more wine is needed.  I haven't written in a while for a number of reasons.  First-Thanksgiving was CRAZY!!!  By crazy I mean the wonderful kind of crazy that leaves you exhausted but wishing it would never end.  There were endless amounts of food and even more fun with our families.  Second-the end of November seemed to whiz by and I barely remember this first week of December.  There were so many things to do.  Between Home School meetings, school party planning, mall Santas and shopping, it has been a whirlwind.  The third and main reason I haven't written is I wasn't sure what to say.  I am a firm believer in being as honest as possible in my blog.  It is hard to write honestly when you are not ready to face the truth within yourself, but after some time to think I'm ready... so here it goes. 

In early October I went for a routine GYN checkup.  The doctor who delivered the minis is no longer with the practice, so I figured I'd see one of the new doctors.  After some complications and a trip to the emergency room, I ended up switching doctors and meeting the OB/GYN who probably saved my life.  In early November, my new doctor found a large fibroid which required surgery.  This was a routine surgery, or at least we thought so.  During the course of the surgery, she thought something didn't look right to her and she was right. 

Nothing good follows when a doctor says "I'm sorry to tell you this..."  I was diagnosed with Cervical Cancer on Friday November 9th.  Let's just say it is an awful feeling to wake up from anesthesia and be told that you have cancer, especially when there were never any suspicions of cancer beforehand.  I can't even begin to describe the things that went through my mind when I heard those words and looked up to see my Mom and Murph standing beside my hospital bed.  The doctor had spoken to them already and the look of shock and sadness on their faces only confirmed for me what I had thought was possibly anesthesia induced delusion. 

And then I cried. And cried. And cried. And cried.  I cried for the next week off and on.  I cried every time Murph left for work.  My Mom came the next morning to help me at home after the surgery and just to sit with me and hold me while I cried some more.  I cried on Murph.  I cried next to Murph.  I cried on my Mom.  I cried in the shower.  I cried alone in bed.  I cried every time Stina or Matthew smiled.  I just kept hearing the words in my head..."I'm so sorry Dana.  You have cervical cancer."  I felt as if I was watching someone else's terrible life or the worst Lifetime movie ever, and I was the main character.  Stina believed I had a bad migraine (which I had also).  My sister changed her Thanksgiving flight and came a week early and stayed through Thanksgiving, and I really cried.

I finally stopped crying after my follow up to the surgeon.  She said they believed it was early stage and set me up with an oncologist.  I saw the oncologist the week after Thanksgiving and she is wonderful.  I wish I didn't ever have to meet her, but I guess if this is the way it is, I am happy she is my doctor.  She preliminarily staged me at stage 1B and recommended a radical hysterectomy for the week after New Year's.  I cried again.  Murph and I had no intention of having another baby, but now I knew the option would be gone.  I got the letter from the insurance company today approving my Pet scan and I cried again.  I watch Stina dance around and sing the songs from Brave and I cry a little.  I hear Matthew's speech exploding and am amazed at how many words he knows and I cry a little.  I don't want to miss a minute with them.

My survival expectancy is very good.  After the hysterectomy my doctor is hoping I may avoid chemo or radiation.  I still have so many thoughts and emotions going through my head.  I am grateful for everyday I have my minis.  I am grateful I still feel good-so good I didn't even know I had cancer until last month.  I am beyond grateful for my family and my husband, who let me scream, cry, and held themselves together for mine and my children's sake so every now and then I can fall apart.  I'm grateful I have a husband who offered to shave my head if I ended up needing it and even told me we'd look cute bald together if I did end up having treatments.  I'm starting to be okay with the diagnosis, or at least get used to it.  I don't cry when I say the word cancer but I still cry at night when I pray and when it's quiet and I have time to let my mind go.  I get weepy when I think of my beautiful babies.  They are the reason I will beat cervical cancer.

So there it is...some of the sourest lemons life has handed me lately.  You now see why lemonade wouldn't be enough for these lemons.  These called for wine and lots of it.  A bit of advice, if you are diagnosed with cancer, DO NOT watch Hallmark Channel Christmas movies the same weekend you have been diagnosed.  I never noticed before how many of these movies' storyline is a Mom dying (usually of cancer) and the Dad struggling to raise 2 kids and reluctantly find love for Christmas.  Give yourself a week or 2 before you watch Hallmark movies.  And I hate the Christmas Shoes song even more than I hated it before.