One of the things I was looking forward to as a stay at home mommy was time. I imagined myself having time to clean, do laundry, cook fabulous dinners, watch tv, play with Teeny and even nap if I chose to. Let me just say...this is not the case...at all! When I was working full time, if things like the laundry got a little backed up or we ordered a pizza because we were just too tired to cook, I accepted it as a casualty of my work schedule. I had hoped that having those "extra" hours in my day would give me what would seem like infinite time to get complete my things to do lists. The first month home seemed pretty close to what I had imagined-I had time for baby gym, farmers markets, laundry and some spare time to just hang around doing whatever. I started off my new self with a leap and managed to be excited about cooking pretty great dinners every night. By the end of September, this didn't seem to be happening anymore. I was getting more sleep than before, but was waking up as if I had just taken a 20 minute nap. Now all of a sudden, housework that had always seemed to get done, either by Murph or myself, was my responsibility and mine alone pretty much and I started to feel a bit overwhelmed. I began to think...HOLY CRAP! There is alot to do!!!! And I have found that it is impossible, TOTALLY IMPOSSIBLE to do alot of it while Teeny is awake. Folding laundry with her help means double folding, cooking means Teeny stands at the kitchen gate crying for Mommy. I hate to admit it, but at times Nick Jr. has been the only way I have gotten anything done.
As this year has gone on, it comes in waves, ebbs & flows. One day I am totally energetic and getting tons done, the next I am out of it, and can barely bring myself to defrost a chicken cutlet let alone cook it. I have begun to wonder if the Rolling Stones hit the mark when they sang about Mother's Little Helpers. Mine has become coffee. And boy is it good.
I think December is when it really hit home for me. I had figured that for once my Christmas cards would be sent early, like the 1st or second week of December kind of early. Heck, I even ordered them by November 14th and had them sitting in our closet waiting to be sent out. The cards were sent out the 3rd week of December because I was just too tired to stick the address labels on or write out the envelopes after Teeny went to bed. Some how, I still (as of January 5th) have about 20 cards sitting on top of my shelf that I forgot to send out. Once again, it seemed like my dreams of TIME had flashed by me. Not to lay blame about this, but I have to admit that a few of them were still there because of missing addresses that Murph did not give me until December 23rd. At that point, I was in the midst of baking over 300 Christmas cookies, making marshmallows for everyone & wrapping them up and had forgotten about Christmas cards. I had hoped that the Christmas shopping I had begun way back in November and had been doing on a nearly daily basis would be done. Alas, I was in Target at 8 AM on December 24th buying my Mom the new hair dryer I had written on her "gifts to buy" list way back in September! And even worse, I was online on the night of December 24th ordering a DVD set for my Dad I had forgotten about. I was still hanging lights in my windows as of December 19th-an impossible task when Teeny is pulling them across the room.
I had started this new life with lists that were completely crossed off at the end of each day. These lists have gotten frighteningly longer as things to do from one day are transferred as unfinished to the next day. I have started to realize that I may have come into this new life with a very romantic and unrealistic idea of what being a stay at home mom would be like. At first I started to think it was just me, but it took Christmas kicking me in the behind to make me realize that it doesn't have to be this way. My family is fed, they have clean clothes and my house, for the most part, is maintained. They all seem happy. I have time to play with Teeny and maybe even take a nap or watch Days of our Lives while eating our lunches. If that means ordering a pizza once in a while, then fine.
And if you haven't gotten my Christmas card yet, don't worry, it's on my top shelf and will be mailed tomorrow. Why not keep the Christmas spirit going just a little bit longer!
I am always amazed at how much you get accomplished! Even if you don't feel like you are on top of things or have things in order, you always give the appearance that everything is organized. I think you just outed yourself in this post :-) Plus, now that Teeny knows how to push her mini shopping cart, getting the clothes from point A to Point B should be that much easier. You can thank me later :-)
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