First of all, I need to say I am still here and feeling better than I have in a very long time. Secondly, I need to apologize. When I first wrote about my cancer diagnosis I promised to write about my treatments and give updates. I jumped into cancer like I do most other things, whole heartily and relying on research. I researched cancer daily- treatments, side effects, natural remedies to manage side effects-both emotional and physical ones. Again, I was not prepared at all for what was to come. I would have loved to write everyday about how I was feeling and give the promised updates, but I physically could not even do it. I had been told that the side effects of my chemo wouldn't be so bad-after all I was only having 6-7 weeks of chemo, not a full on assault on my body like systemic chemo. The radiation would make me tired, but I could probably manage it. People, including me, underestimated the power of my nausea! I figured if I could deliver a 9 lb 12 oz baby boy completely free of any epidurals or anesthesia, this would be a walk in the park. It was a walk in a scary park filled with obstacles and dangerous pitfalls. I was sick from the first week chemo began. I slept for hours at a time. I wasn't able to take Stina to school-I could barely wake up for my treatments at certain points. If I wasn't sleeping I was vomiting or just miserable. Thank God for Emend-a new anti nausea drug that kept me at least from gagging every 2 seconds, even if I couldn't eat. My positive, facing cancer head on attitude quickly faded with my first full on day of chemo. But I soon realized I wasn't alone.
I came through it-I'm not quite sure how. I came out the other side, bruised, 22 pounds thinner (happy about that one), with most of my sanity in tact. I was never alone though-I didn't come through it by myself. I was lucky enough to have wonderful friends and family who saw to it that my children were never forgotten or left out, my husband was always fed and that I got as much recovery time as I needed. The support and generosity from my Our Lady of Hope classmates overwhelmed me-the Class of 1990 are amazing. The generosity of my Mary Louis Academy sisters in the Class of 1994 brought me such joy. To know I had the love and prayers of so many amazing people gave me the strength I needed to keep pushing through.
I was also blessed with the most wonderful and caring radiation therapists, doctors and nurses. My chemo nurses understood that my port was always sore, my bladder always full and my stomach always queasy. My radiation therapists, who I saw daily, always made me feel comfortable and tried to make my appointments feel more like a visit with friends than a daily treatment. My doctors were always caring and honest with me.
I am not officially cancer free-the doctors won't use the words in remission until my next Pet scan. This will be in late August. I feel great though! I went back to being a vegetarian (mostly-I still eat some fish). The week after I finished treatments I got back in the kitchen and back into my routines. I wanted my life back and I jumped into it with joy and a new found energy. My return to cooking began with homemade ricotta cheese. I'll blogging about that later this week. Stina "graduated" from Pre-K in June and I was happier than anyone to be there to share in her joy! My beautiful minis got through it too-they were more understanding than I could have ever imagined. They accepted the whole thing with such patience and a surprising lack of grumbling. My kids were shuffled from house to house, relative to relative, friend to friend. They were out of routine, out of sorts and out of a mommy for a while, but they got through it along with Murph and me.
Life goes on, sometimes bumpy and apparently now with hot flashes (thank you damaged ovaries for the menopause that has probably now begun) but it goes on. Hopefully it is going on free of cancer! There is so much to look forward to this summer-warmer days, sunnier mornings and better health.
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